In A World Where You Can Be Anything, Be Kind
I recently watched the Wonder movie on my flight to Japan. During the first 5 minutes I have cried twice, which I was well prepared for. Despite how much I regret watching it and the weird look I kept getting from the person sitting next to me, I knew this will be one of my favorite movies of all time within that first 5 minutes.
Wonder follows the true story of August Pullman and his struggle growing up and trying to fit in at school with Treacher Collins syndrome — a rare genetic disorder which results in deformities of facial features and appearance. The story follows the standard hero’s journey and unfolds with Auggie transitioning from homeschooling to going to a regular school, overcoming his fear and putting himself out in the crowd for the first time, getting bullied at school, making friends, losing friends, learning about life is so much more than just the way you look and finally winning the exemplary student award of the year. This crazy roller coaster ride eventually helped the Pullmans grow collectively as a family, stronger and better than ever.
A number of thoughts stood out to me while watching the movie. But one word that popped into my head immediately was Congenital Cataract. To many, it is probably just another medical term that no one knows what it really means, and I even have trouble pronouncing it correctly. However, it is something that has been with my younger sister Emily since birth.
She was diagnosed with Congenital Cataract, an opacification of the lens occur in newborn babies for many reasons such as inherited tendencies, infection, metabolic problems, etc., and has undergone her first surgery when she was only 5 months old. Congenital cataracts can range from very small and less significant to completely blocking vision. In Emily’s case, it was her left eye.
I am not here to write about another sob story
Before I go into more details, I want to assure you that this will not be a story that makes you tear up nor a story that talks about how tragic life is living with disability. In fact, I’m writing a story about a young girl who has the biggest, bubbliest personality and has been a ray of sunshine in the lives of everyone around her. This is a story about not afraid to dream and a story to remind everyone we all need a little bit of kindness in life.
“She looks funny”
If you know Emily personally, you will know she now looks completely normal, I bet a lot of you don’t even notice that her left eye has no vision, but this was not that case 20 years ago. Growing up, I remember the 4-year-old Emily would get frustrated every time my parents forced her to put on these correcting glasses so that she won’t lose the last bit of eyesight in her left eye after the surgery (she has perfect 2.0 vision for her right eye). With that, she had little control over her eyeball of her disabled eye, and it would often lead to Amblyopia also known as the Lazy Eye. So yes, she did look a little funny when she was a kid.
Fast forward to a couple years later, in 4th grade, I remember a boy in my class asked me one day “What is wrong with your sister?” “Why is her left eye so funny looking?” “Is she trying to do a crossed-eye?” I was bombarded with endless questions about her eyes. Though as angry, confused, and frustrated as I was, I never once felt uncomfortable bringing my sister to hangout with my friends or felt ashamed because she somehow looked different from other kids. Fortunately, Emily has always been optimistic and was never once bullied growing up because of the way she looked.
She completely lost her eyesight later on but to us it was not too big of a surprise and life continued.
Don’t let your disability get in the way
Even with one visible eye, Emily never fails to amaze us in all things she does. She fell in love with percussion in third grade and has been playing ever since. Joined marching band in high school, won countless California state-wide competitions, became the youngest female marimba soloist invited to play at the Cabrillo Music Festival at age 17, went on to pursue music and communication degrees at University of Southern California, and now working in San Francisco.
The best way to measure how much you’ve grown isn’t by inches or the number of laps you can now run around the track, or even your grade point average — though those things are important, to be sure. It’s what you’ve done with your time, how you’ve chosen to spend your days, and whom you’ve touched this year. That, to me, is the greatest measure of success.
As amazing as her achievement may sound, what really matters is the effort and courage she put into accomplishing the work she has done and pursuing her dream.
Now, close your left eye for 5 seconds, yes you, the person reading this. Imagine you have a marimba right in front of you and you are holding 4 mallets in hands, playing at bullet speed without missing one single note. It doesn’t seem possible right?
Always remember to choose kind
We carry with us, as human beings, not just the capacity to be kind, but the very choice of kindness.
Even Jeff Bezos once said “cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice.” I guess the point I am trying to make here is that superficial differences shouldn’t affect people’s perceptions of others. Everyone has a story, it only takes a bit of consideration to not jump straight into the conclusion. Always remember to choose kind. Just like how the movie Wonder depicts the significance of kindness in everyday life, and how it is the most important component gluing human relationships together.
When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.
Everytime I am with Emily, we would still often joke about how 3D glasses do not work on her eyes because she does not have binocular vision or I would still try to convince her to apply for a handicap parking permit so that I get the best parking spot every time I go to the mall. She taught me how to be silly, optimistic, courageous, determined and most importantly — how to be kind.
Sometimes, or most of the time I don’t even notice my sister has a disability, because to me, she looks perfectly normal and she IS just normal like everyone else. And even with just one eye she still sees the best in people.
Happy 24th birthday Emily, this piece is dedicated for you.
Love,
Leslie
