I’m Sorry To All The Friends I Never Text Back
It’s not you, it’s me.
Hi friend,
Yes, I saw the text you sent me at 10:43 am 3 days ago and yes, I also am aware that I still haven’t texted you back after 72 hours. I remember my phone buzzed and I remember seeing a notification popped up on the screen.
“Yoooo whennnnnn?”
I know you were double checking about the long overdue get-together we agreed on last month, which I haven’t gotten back to you on the time and place.
“Sh*t sorry, I thought I replied.”
The Ambivert Dilemma
I don’t recall exactly how many times I’ve used that line before. I could have a million reasons from “Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was out with friends when I got your message and completely forgot about it later” to “Sorry I didn’t text you back, well I thought I did, but I guess I never hit send.” It’s not that I make a conscious decision every time to ignore your message, I don’t hate you and I am not ghosting you, rather it’s my ambivert personality acting out.
Ambivert — An ambivert is someone who falls in the middle of the introvert/extrovert continuum. Ambiverts have a blend of traits from both introverts and extroverts, as well as their own unique strengths.”
Ambiverts often act as extrovert during social situations but become introvert when they’re alone. They adapt quickly to every situation and surrounding. They love being active but also crave alone time. As a 100% ambivert, I bounce back and forth in socializing and isolating. I get easily overwhelmed by the pressure to response. However, it’s often not the context alone that makes it hard to reply but more of the thought process of how conversation will go with another person.
Despite recognizing the fact that my ambivert personality takes a toll on my instability to texting people back, I can’t help but wonder, is that really the only reason?
The Act of Avoiding
We now live in an age when instant communication is possible — with emails, SMS, social media, you can get to anyone pretty much anytime and anywhere. With an immense amount of digital exchange, it’s easy to find yourself worn out from time to time. It gets even worse and stresses us out when social networking apps are now all equipped with “message read” or “seen” functions.
Us ambivert avoid confrontation as much as possible and we don’t tend to assert ourselves or raise strong opinions in most situations. Even when we have to, we make sure our answers are well thought out.
A Constant Struggle
People choose not to text back because they need time to digest and formulate their response before replying and committing themselves. They like to plan and devise their thought process so they can write the right word or even pick the most-fitted emoji. Unfortunately, when they realize how rude it is that they haven’t responded to a message after a day or two, they get anxious and try to avoid the awkward confrontation entirely, so they often decide to just leave it as that.
With that being said, I’m trapped in a horrid and perpetual cycle of receiving texts, reading texts (might or might not open, thank goodness for the preview message function), drafting my response (in my head), not feeling like replying, realizing a day has gone by, feeling anxious, feeling guilty, and finally deciding to type down the words, staring at the “send” button…and still not sending it. Trust me, I hate being ‘that friend’, the friend that takes forever to text back.
You may ask, “Why though?” “Why makes it seem like such a big deal, just simply reply to the question and get it over with.” I guess to answer this question, I have to bring in another important topic and that is — procrastination.
The Art of Delayed Response
Contrary to popular belief, procrastination is not just a time management issue, but an emotional one.
In Timothy A Pychyl Ph.D.’s, an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, article How to Use Psychology to Solve the Procrastination Puzzle, he mentioned about a recent research, which illustrates how our emotional regulation skills tightly associate with our productivity and social behaviors, and how we can learn specific skills to modify these aversive emotions and reduce our thirst to procrastinate.
Procrastinators are not anti-committal, they just don’t want to think about it until the point where they HAVE to. Procrastinators are also achievers who appear to be doing just fine, but internally they lack the confidence and struggle with self-doubt.
When we see the notifications piled up on our screen one after another, it almost seems like school projects, so we automatically push them aside. We will still get back to you, obviously, we just prefer replying in a deadline-induced panic just like how we like to do our school projects- till the very last minute.
Final Words
So my friend, if you’re reading this, thank you for making it this far, and by that I’m not only talking about this blog post, but thank you for sticking with me even if I never text you back.
I am fully aware I am a bad texter and the problem is a combination of all of the above issues I am struggling with. I am trying really hard to escape this habit, starting by setting a daily alarm at 6pm to remind myself to text people back.
I would still love to get messages from you, just know that even if I don’t respond, I am still thinking of you.
Love,
Friend