I Cut My Hair Short For The First Time In 26 Years And I Could Care Less

Life gets better when you stop giving a fuck.

Growing up, I’ve always had long hair. I was your typical type of girl that would cry at the hair salon if I didn’t like the new haircut (to be honest, it looked totally fine most of the time). I hated going to the salon and every hair appointment put me on the brink of an emotional breakdown. I thought all my hair stylists were all people who didn’t understand human language and can’t do their job right.

Just 2 weeks before my 26th birthday, I was brushing my teeth and I looked into the mirror and thought to myself all of sudden,

“Fuck it, I’m chopping it off.”

The Jane Fonda Hair Epiphany

Honestly, I was not sure what happened in that split second. Was it because I finally couldn’t tolerate taking 15 minutes of my time to blow dry my hair everyday or decided not to spend money on expensive hair products anymore?

Now that I think back to it, I think I simply had a Jane Fonda hair epiphany.

In the HBO documentary, Jane Fonda in Five Acts, the American actress shares her life story on the 5 eras of her life, from her upbringing, career, to controversies and political activism. In one segment of the documentary, she specifically talks about one day after shooting a scene where her wig in the movie fell off, she thought “This is just not me anymore,” and decided to cut off her long and wavy iconic blonde hair in that split second. Yes, just like that.

Similar to Fonda, when I chopped off my hair, I wasn’t thinking too much, I thought it’s just an adrenaline rush but now that I think back to it, the sense of urgency was only the last straw that broke the camel’s back, the decision had been made a long ago but I just didn’t realize it until now. I’ve always wanted to do it, I was tired of spending so much time worrying about random things in life when I could easily use that time and mental energy on something far more important, such as which Spotify playlist I should blast out when I take my shower tonight.

Just kidding.

It’s not really about the hair, it could have been anything, but it’s more about the act of chopping it off. The action was so symbolic that it made me begin to question about every decision I’ve ever made in life.

I believe the same goes for Fonda, she simply stopped giving a fuck, or I should say, she chose to be more selective in the fucks she gives. In that split second, we both realized our hair is certainly not on the top of the priority fuck list.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*CK

So now you ask: what happens when you stop giving a fuck? How do we, or can we ever stop giving a fuck? One of my favorite books, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Mason, depicts the concept of why we should all give less a fuck and how it will eventually lead to a better life. Mason takes on a counterintuitive approach to the subject of “how to live a good life?” by telling the readers to NOT try, to say NO, to embrace the negative experiences, and to STOP caring so much. The book is a solid yet necessary slap for all of us trying so hard to make an impression or to create a perfect image that fits the societal norm.

While stop giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s actually harder than it seems. The first step to achieve it is to grow through the root of all evil in 21st century— FOMO.

FOMO

The Fear of Missing Out aka one of the most pressing issues us millennials are struggling with along with our other #firstworldproblems. We can’t seem to stand the feeling when we see a group party photo that we are not a part of while scrolling down our Instagram feed. It is a serious existential crisis. I mean who’d want to be out of the loop? FOMO is slowly but surely consuming our souls in the most subtle ways. We now constantly wonder if everyone else is having more fun than us, and that leads to overthinking, and it is a feedback loop from hell, as Mark Manson proposed in the book.

We get anxious about feeling FOMO because we’re not part of the party, and now we get even more anxious about feeling anxious and FOMO. The cycle repeats and we’ve already drown far deep down in the feedback loop from hell before we know it. You know you’ve been there at least once, and it’s inevitably an emotional dead end.

Trust me, I get it. For the past 26 years of my life, I almost never said no to anything, whether it’s an invite to an after work hang out, a simple favor (which often turned out to be not so simple), a crazy night out even when I was feeling under the weather. Why did I never say no? Because I was scared. I was afraid that if I said no to things, I will regret my decision afterwards, I will miss the other potential job opportunities I could have if I’ve gone to that networking event or I will not get the next invite because I missed the previous party. The FOMO was itching hard, and I wanted to be a part of every scene.

Don’t Find Yourself, Find Your Values Instead

It wasn’t until when I finally realized I can never please everyone and I don’t have the time and energy to go to every single party around town.

Growing up, I tried so hard to fit in. I was so fixated on the illusion of “finding yourself = the meaning of life.” I spent so much time worrying about every word I say and every action I take, and those things suck up my energy inside and out, and let’s not forget about feeling FOMO all at the same time.

The truth is life isn’t about seeking approval from others nor it’s about finding yourself. Life in fact, is about finding your values. There are shitty values we should avoid according to Mason, such as pleasure, material success, being liked by everyone, trying to be positive all the time when clearly life isn’t perfect and that’s okay. He reinforces the idea that our self worth shouldn’t be depended on anyone but ourselves. These bad values rely mostly on external events and we often have little or no control over, but what we can do is to adjust our priority fuck list.

“Prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life” — Mark Mason

The lesson here is follow values you resonate and don’t try to be somebody you’re not. Don’t give your precious fucks to poor values that don’t deserve them. However, not giving a fuck doesn’t mean you’re ignorant, it means you’re sticking to your values and are comfortable with being different. If you give too many fucks about what other people think of you, this is when life fucks you over.

Choose Your Fucks Wisely

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to not care about anything. It is in our human nature to want to be liked and accepted. There are still important fucks to give, such as stepping up for yourself when you’re not treated fairly, doing whatever you can to chase after your dream job, or in my case, putting together the perfect playlist for my shower concert every night.

“The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.” — Mark Mason

I don’t think chopping my long hair off means I stop giving a fuck entirely about my hair. I think it’s an act of readjusting my priorities and finding my values, and learning how to declutter my mind. It surely marked the start of giving better and fewer fucks.

When you become more conscious about what kind of fucks you’re giving, you are also examining your priorities in life. Instead of worrying about whether or not you should wear pink because it’s Wednesday, wear whatever the hell you want. Go out and do the things you want to do and don’t feel guilty about it. If you want to binge watch Stranger Things on Netflix instead of going to the club when you know you will wake up feeling shitty the next day, stay home! Say no to that baby shower you don’t want to go, but do so in a polite manner. Your time and energy deserve to be spent on activities you value.

So, dedicate your fucks to things you have a true passion for. There are only so fewer fucks you could give, not to mention giving quality fuck, and you know, that’s the kind of fuck we’re all striving for.